EMOTIONS: Developing Self-Restraint and Self-Consciousness
/Edition 2 Issue #21
The purpose of speaking on EMOTION today is to talk about Emotional Intelligence (EQ). Our level of EQ is very important in our personal development, and our journey to Enlightenment. In developing an understanding of our emotions, and the ability to just feel, and move through these feelings without fear, will endear us with a great understanding and amiability as one who is patient and controlled. This will further assist us in business and professional development, as employers look for those who have a steady head on their shoulders. The person who is prone to emotional outbreaks, especially rage and anger, are considered a safety risk in the work environment.
Those of high Spiritual development have a good grasp of the emotional side. Highly evolved beings maintain a very higher EQ, this trait is developed especially well in diplomats and world leaders. Imagine Obama, or better yet one of the Bush’s, or Regan for that matter having an argument with the Russian leader Putin in public, and launching into a tirade of how the Russian is atrocious and neglectful to his people and the barbarian that he is? Can you imagine the argument leading to a third world war? I can; I can also see this in hot-headed French and Italian, and other nationalities prone to high emotional and reactive tendencies. If their leaders didn’t have a very high level of EQ, there would be fights and wars all over the world for the smallest of affairs. Of which there sometimes are, still in these ‘evolved’ times.
SELF-RESTRAINT
Having the ability to identify emotions before they get to the surface is the sign of high EQ. Bringing the emotion under control, refraining from demonstrating the anger, from allowing it to bubble over the surface; and attack through reaction to the external environment. Let me explain with this: I had a high level Spiritual Teacher from East Asian who instructed us in a meditation on thoughts and emotions hence: “When you sit quietly in meditation you cannot stop the thoughts from coming in, the ideal goal of meditation is to quiet the mind. The best and most practiced in meditation can only quiet the mind for short moments at a time. The thoughts will come, you must allow them to come to the surface, and then, without thinking at length on them you must allow the thought to evaporate as a bubble over your head. Feel the thought for what it is, understand it is without substance, it is just a thought. Do not allow thoughts to join in a string and attach to one another, then you are creating a story line, and chances are your story if false anyway. Do not allow thoughts to join one another, you must identify the though and allow it to dissipate, to dissolve in the bubble.” This is also a way, when disturbed by some emotion, to deal with it. This is a great meditation practice, and practice means we need to repeat often, hence the word ‘practice’.
CONTROLLING ANGER
As we practice this method in meditation, we can transfer this to emotional outbursts, which are about to happen. Firstly you must identify the feeling before you explode (or react in your fashion – fight or flight!). Feel the feeling of the emotion; analyse it, identify how you are just before you usually have an outburst. Is it fear, anger, jealousy…? I will use anger, because I used to be prone to angry outbursts and fighting. I would usually, when I felt agitated, find a bar or a pool room where I could release my negative energy in fighting. I know today I do not have to be violent and physical to release emotions and emotional outburst. I can deal with it using higher EQ behaviors and one of my preferred ways of dealing is this: Identify the emotions which set you off the fastest, the emotions which you find most uncomfortable. Now sit in this feeing, in this emotion, allow thoughts to hover over your head as in a bubble and then dissipate into the universe. Identify the way you feel just before you usually have an outburst, a reactive moment or an angry uncontrolled moment(s). We all have them; the idea is to limit them, and especially to limit the damage they do to our loved ones. Remember the blackout, the way you lose total control when you are in the emotion? The damage we cause, not always physical, but especially emotional when we lash out at our partner, friends and/or especially children in angry outbursts? Let’s limit, and remove these by raising our EQ a notch by allowing the lesson here to bring us to a higher level of understanding in self-awareness (read our blog on “SELF-AWARENESS” in the April 2, 2015 blog post. Be sure to SUBSCRIBE to receive our newsletter directly to your inbox each week.) by allowing us to remain calm and in control of ourselves and this guide the situation the best way we can. I learned a number of years ago that when I get really agitated and feel the anger welling up inside me to ask my partner for a time out, not run away from the situation, this will usually make things worse, but to speak directly at the anger and do something like this “honey I am mad (read dictionary def: INSANE) and I feel the emotion welling up, I need to go for a walk and release this pressure before I say or do something will be hurtful to both of us. Will you allow me a time out here?” And then I would go for a walk and think things over and calm down. Then, I would remember the lessons of another friend who would often repeat; “I would rather be happy than be right.” This doesn’t mean I need to compromise my principles to tell someone that is wrong that they are right just to end an argument. It means looking at thing from a different perspective, from a different angle and coming to compromises in a grown-up intelligent fashion using a higher level of learning and a higher level EQ.
The growth we find through meditation practices and development of self through understanding, and feeling, emotions will define who we really are. You are a child of the Universe, a free soul in a human experience. Grow and quiet the monkey mind and understand emotional outbursts are at a lower level. Lift up your hearts to the Source. Raise your consciousness a notch and you will feel movement I to self-consciousness.
Look for next week’s edition on “HUMILITY”. And be sure to subscribe to our weekly newsletter to receive it directly you won’t miss a beat.
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